


The idiot squad goes tripping (road-tripping)

by Hail_the_gay



Series: Peter Parker's an idiot-verse [2]
Category: Ant-Man (Movies), Black Panther (2018), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: BAMF Harley Keener, I always have the worst time with these tags, Kate Bishop Is a Good Bro, Peter Parker & Shuri Friendship, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Scott Lang is a Good Bro, They're going road tripping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24896179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hail_the_gay/pseuds/Hail_the_gay
Summary: "Mr. Stark and Pepper were coming up for the weekend with most of the other Avengers to visit Clint and Laura and their kids and asked if I wanted to come. So I said yes. Obviously. Clint had told me before about his kids and how they were close to my age so I said I needed to meet them. And I have, I did. I regret most of this.”“Hey!” Lila calls.“Not you. Cooper’s the worst.” He grins, patting Lila’s head. She grins at the praise and destruction of her brother.“Damn straight he is.” She says, crossing her arms proudly.“Hey, do we… wanna go to Tennessee?” Peter suggests.“Why would we go to Tennessee?” Lila asks.“To get Harley.” Kate and Peter say in unison.__Kate Bishop shows up at the Barton's. Peter was already there. So they drag the older Barton siblings and go cross country.
Relationships: Cassie Lang & Hope Van Dyne, Cassie Lang & Peter Parker, Cassie Lang & Scott Lang, Cassie Lang & Shuri, Cooper Barton & Lila Barton, Cooper Barton & Peter Parker, Harley Keener & Cassie Lang, Kate Bishop & Peter Parker, Kate Bishop & Shuri, Lila Barton & Cassie Lang, Lila Barton & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Shuri, Scott Lang/Hope Van Dyne
Series: Peter Parker's an idiot-verse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797805
Comments: 1
Kudos: 93





	The idiot squad goes tripping (road-tripping)

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to idiot squad extravaganza. This was 11 pages in docs and Scott hasn't even shown up yet. Take a seat the show is about to begin.
> 
> Love you and good night
> 
> -Parker

The door was being knocked on, but it took Laura a few seconds to get over there. She cautiously looked through the peephole and when a non-threatening looking girl dressed in a suspicious amount of purple entered her vision, she opened it. 

“Hello? How can I help you?” Laura starts, putting on a smile. 

“Hi, my name is Kate and I was told to come here for Clint?” The woman, now ‘Kate’ says.

This worried Laura, plenty of enemies have shown up, asking for Clint. “Reason for visit?” She asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Is everything alright, Laura?” A brown haired teen boy entered the front hall with caution. When he caught a glance of the visitor, he broke out into a grin.

“Kate?” He asked.

Kate caught sight of the boy and smiled just as wide. “Peter!”

Peter ran past Laura and threw himself into Kate’s arms. Laura was worried, glancing from Kate to Peter, this boy as practically her son.

“Holy shit!” Kate whispered. Swinging Peter around and cradling his head with her left hand. “I didn’t know you were here?” 

“Well, to be fair I didn’t know you were going to be here!”

Clint walked into the frame after hearing the commotion. When he caught sight of his confused wife and two people hugging as if they were going to die the next day, he cocked his head.

Kate finally out Peter down and clutched his arms, tears in her eyes.

“Why are you crying?” Peter chuckled.

“I don’t know. I thought you were going to die with all the stuff and with Vulture and you said you were dying and I know you were texting earlier but seeing you in person is just exciting. Last time I saw you in person was before homecoming, I think.” Kate sobbed. “Just know you never are getting my affection again, cherish this.”

Peter laughed. Then saw Clint.

“Oh hey Clint!” He waved. “Come see our new guest!”

“Oh. Clint.” Kate groaned when she saw who it was.

“What? Not happy to see your old man?”

“If anything, Coulson is my old man. After all the shit you got me into he’s more deserving of it than you.” She sneers, taking her hands off Peter.

Clint gives her a rough hug, complete with a noogie.

“Oh! Katie, come with me!” Peter rushes off, dragging Kate behind him.

“That’s Kate?” Laura asks Clint. She’s heard a lot about her. She was Lila’s namesake after all. Lila Katherine Barton.

“That’s Kate.” Clint sighs fondly.  
__

Peter was pulling Kate through the house, giving her a tour of what he remembered. He said hi to some of the Avengers that were staying on the farm for the week. He ran upstairs, Kate slowly following behind.

“What are you? 50?” He yells after her. Her face contorts into disgust.

“Rude.”

“My specialty.”

She made it to the top of the stairs now and is jabbing fingers into Peter’s side. He’s shrieking and trying to kick her. A boy comes out of his room that Kate does not know. She stops for a second to stare at him. He looks like a carbon copy of Laura, with some Clint mixed in and she’s amazed.

“Keep it down would you? Some of us are trying to sleep.” He groans.

Peter is lying on the floor, starfish, face red. “Cooper, buddy. It’s 2:00. P.M.”

“And?” 

“You should be up by now. Your mom made pancakes.” Cooper’s face lights up at this and he grins. He jumps over Peter and rushes down the stairs.

“Was that Clint’s son?” Kate asks, pulling Peter up.

“Yep. Let's go meet your namesake.” He moves down the hallway to a closed door. He knocks and it opens after a few seconds of waiting.

“Peter! What did you need?” A girl with brown hair wearing a loose-fitting Rolling Stones t-shirt and athletic shorts stands at the door. Her brown hair sits upon her head in a messy knot.

“Hey Lila! There’s someone you have to meet.” He pulls her out of her room and she complies, rolling her eyes. But they stop when she sees Kate.

“Who is this?” She asks. Kate gives a wave and a timid smile.

“This is Kate Bishop.” He waves a hand over to the woman. Lila freezes.

“Like… Katherine Bishop? Like Lila Katherine Barton, Katherine Bishop?” She gawks. “Oh. My. God!” Lila rushes over and throws her arms around Kate, who returns the favor. “I’ve been wanting to meet you since I knew my own name! So like, 12 years? Yeah, if I’m 14, I’ve known my full name since I was 2.” She lets go and turns to Peter. “That math checks out, right?” Peter nods. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you Lila. I’m just glad I got someone named after me before anyone else. Especially Nat. I heard your younger brother is Nathanial?”

“Yeah. About that,” Lila sucks in air through her teeth. “Coopersmiddlenameisphillipsocoulsonhasyouallbeat.” She winces, waiting for a reaction.

“Could you say that again. Slower?” Kate asks.

“Cooper’s middle name is Phillip, so Coulson has you all beat. Even Aunt Nat.” Lila breathes.

“Fuckin _Coulson_ , man. Always has to ruin everything.” Kate mutters under her breath.

“Katherine Bishop! Watch your language. We have little ears here.” Peter gasps in horror.

“I’m 14, Peter.” Lila whines.

“I was talking about Cooper. Everyone knows he can’t handle cursing.” 

Lila laughs and Kate joins her. Cooper trudges up the stairs, a plate full of pancakes in his hand. “I heard my name.” He says, muffled around all the pancakes.

“We’re talking about how you’re a little baby.” Lila pinches his cheek, he glares at her with the power of god and anime on his side.

“Shut the _hell_ up.” He growls, stomping back to his bedroom.

“Why are you here anyways?” Kate questions Peter.

“Mr. Stark,” He starts. Lila screams in frustration.

“Oh my god just call him Tony.”

“As I was saying. Mr. Stark and Pepper were coming up for the weekend with most of the other Avengers to visit Clint and Laura and their kids and asked if I wanted to come. So I said yes. Obviously. Clint had told me before about his kids and how they were close to my age so I said I needed to meet them. And I have, I did. I regret most of this.”

“Hey!” Lila calls. 

“Not you. Cooper’s the worst.” He grins, patting Lila’s head. She grins at the praise and destruction of her brother. 

“Damn straight he is.” She says, crossing her arms proudly.

“Hey, do we… wanna go to Tennessee?” Peter suggests.

“Why would we go to Tennessee?” Lila asks.

“To get Harley.” Kate and Peter say in unison.

“Do we have a jet?” Kate asks. “It’s the only way we can really get to Tennessee and then go to California. And Wakanda if we really are doing this.”

“We don’t have a jet. But we have a car and two drivers licenses. If we’re bringing Cooper. I assume we are. Then two and a half because I do not trust him driving my car.” Peter replies.

“I’d love to meet Harley!” Lila cuts in. “And Cassie, she’s my age right?”

“A year older, but you’d get along thick as thieves. And Scott and Hope wouldn’t mind us crashing down at their place, right?” Kate says.

“Nope. Last time I checked they still have two guest rooms. Girls in one room, guys in the other. And Cassie has her own room.” 

“Tennessee, Tennessee, Tennessee!” Lila starts chanting, pounding her fists in the air.

A sigh from Peter. “Fine. I guess we’re going to Tennessee.”  
__

While Lila persuades Cooper to pack and join them on the adventure. Peter begs Tony to let him go. The man caves surprisingly fast and allows Peter to go with a sigh. Making sure he promises to come back to New York when he’s done dropping off the Barton’s. Clint and Laura are fine with Lila and Cooper leaving, happy actually. The kids are gone for a week. And it’s summer too, so they aren’t missing anything. 

The older Barton kids descend the stairs, giving their parents a hug goodbye and piling into Kate’s car. Peter refused for them to be in his car. No matter how much he loves them, it would be hella annoying. And he knows the way to Harley’s better than the rest of them. So he FaceTimes MJ until she falls asleep because even though it’s only an hour ahead, she was really tired. So then he FaceTimes Shuri, telling her about the adventure even though it’s like 5 A.M there. He asks if she can drop off in Harley’s backyard. It’s big enough for the jet if you park in the right place and then they can fly to California instead of making the 31 hour trip. She agrees and hangs up, likely getting her stuff ready to leave in a few hours. 

He’s about 5 hours into the 11 hour drive and it’s gotten to the point where he’s just racing Kate down the roads since they’re empty and it’s midnight. Lila stares bloody murder into his soul from where she sits in the passenger seat when he and Kate are neck and neck. He can tell Cooper’s screaming from the faint cry he can hear and his horrified expression. He usually pulls ahead because of the Audi R8 Mr. Stark gifted him for his birthday last year and Kate has a Honda Pilot since of the Motley Crew of spies and agents she needs to truck around the world 90% of the time. 

When more cars have shown up on the road, Peter pulls back to the speed limit, Kate following his lead. He calls Ned and puts him on speakerphone, letting him know where he’ll be the next week. (He was supposed to get back from the Barton’s that Tuesday, but now he’ll be back on Sunday.) And Ned gushes over the new LEGO set he got this past week, a Finalizer set. (Which is pretty much a glorified star destroyer, which Ned already has.) This will add to his ever growing collection of Star Wars legos. He talks with Ned for two hours, about their girlfriends, stupid things Flash said, their classes for Senior year and college choices. (Peter’s going to MIT for BioChem and Ned has chosen the same school, but going for Computer science, so he can hack for a living.) Ned hangs up when his battery almost dies. 

Peter pulls into Harley’s driveway, not too early in the morning but he knows Harley’s up an at em in his garage. He texts Kate for her to wait where she’s pulled up on the side of the road and he gets out of the car. He passes Abby, Harley’s little sister on the way to the garage. She’s watering a fruit bed. She smiles and waves and he returns the action, putting his finger up to his lips, telling her to keep quiet. She sends him a nod and a thumbs up. He knocks on the door of the garage and after hearing no reply, walks in. A radio is blasting on the table and Harley lies under a bright red 1957 Corvette, fixing some of the pipes, no doubt. Peter sits on the table, crossing his legs and turns off the radio. It’s silent now, except for Harley’s wrench working away at the car. But that stops.

Harley slides himself out from under the car slowly and gets up. He stops for a moment when he notices Peter sitting on the table grinning at him. Harley lays back down and slides himself under the car once more. Peter can hear his deep breath of annoyance and his grin grows. Harley slides out from under the car once more.

“What the _fuck_ Parker?”

“We’re going to Cali.” 

“Is this a spur of the moment thing? Did you plan this out?”

“Both.”

“The drive from here to Cali is 31 hours.”

“That’s why we have Shuri.”

“I didn’t hear the jet.”

“She’s not here yet. She’ll be here in like, fifteen minutes. While we wait, let me introduce you to some kids.” Peter grabs Harley by the wrist and starts dragging him outside.

“That sounds ominous. Are you sure you’re not a pedo?”

“Ew, gross. These kids are like my siblings. Also Kate’s here.”

“Kate’s here?”

“Yeah she went down to the Barton farm and I was there so we took Clint’s kids and took off to Tennessee.”

“Reasonable.”

Peter has walked down the driveway and knocked on the window of Kate’s car. She rolls it down to reveal Screamo music playing. She turns it down.

“We going?” She asks.

“Not yet, we have about… 10 minutes till Shuri gets here. Actually let me check.” Peter takes out his phone and presses her contact. She picks up on the first ring.

_”Parker!”_

“Shuri! What’s your ETA for Harley’s?”

_“Should be touching down in about… 7 minutes.”_

“Alright gang you hear her! Get your shit and go to the backyard.” Everyone starts scrambling towards their cars and Harley sprints towards his house to pack quickly. Peter opens the trunk of his own car, grabbing his suitcase and rolling it up towards the house. “Thanks Shuri. You’ll love the Barton’s.”

_”I don’t doubt it”_

“Alright, buh-bye.”

 _”Bye!”_

Peter opens the door to the cute little cottage/cabin where he finds Harley’s mom packing up lunches in brown sacks for all the kids she knew where there. She sees Peter come in and gives him a hug, handing him a bagel with cream cheese and all the paper sacks.

“Bye Peter! Have a good trip. Give these to the rest of the kids.”

“Bye Macy. I’ll be back on Sunday to pick up my car, so don’t worry. Thank you for the lunches.”

Macy nods and ushers him out the door, where Shuri is landing. Lila, Cooper and Kate already stood on the back porch and Harley quickly followed him out the door. Peter distributed the paper sacks to everyone, who took them gratefully. 

The ramp to the jet lowered and Shuri stepped out, standing at the top with her right leg popped out and her left hand on her hip. She whipped the sunglasses off her face.

“Good morning thots.” Peter grinned and ran up the ramp throwing himself into her arms. She hugged back.

“Shuri!” He screamed.

“I know, it’s me. Get in kiddos. We’re going to Cali.” She let Peter go and waved everyone inside, introducing herself to Lila and Cooper. Kate and Harley were last on board and gave Shuri a hug. Lila walked into the unfamiliar but comfortable looking environment. Peter was sitting in his usual seat. According to everyone else. He sits in that seat every time he’s on this jet he might as well have slapped his name on it. Shuri sat across from him and they immediately started talking in science, memes, vines, and John Mulaney quotes. Shuri handed him a little pouch of beads. Lila didn’t know what it was but Peter practically screamed at the sight of them.

“Shu! Really?”

“Really.” Shuri grins.

“I love you bitch.”

“I ain’t ever gonna stop loving you, bitch.”

“Anyways, I was working on my suit earlier and it’s fireproof right now but some of the material got burned. So I was wondering about some of the material I know Tony doesn't ha-” Lila tuned them out after this, pulling out her phone and scrolling through texts.

“So, Lila,” she looked up to see Harley sitting across from her. “Tell me about yourself.”

“Um. I’m going to be a Sophomore when the school year starts again. I like to paint. Oils and Acrylics mostly. I'm still figuring it out but I’m hoping to go to college for Studio Art. Uh, I ride a motorcycle. Which I know isn’t completely legal but everyone in my town knows each other and they don’t care. I like to do archery with my dad.”

“Really taking after him I see.” Harley laughs.

“Yeah, but I’m on the cross country team at my school. Only freshman on the Varsity team.”

“Nice!”

“Thanks! My favorite subject is history. I play Piano. Apparently I’m the “prodigy Barton.”” She uses air quotes. “Around town because Cooper’s useless, Mom is just a stay at home mom most of the time. But she sells our chicken’s eggs and our beef cows for slaughtering. Everyone hates Dad because he was a fugitive. They all blame him for leaving mom alone but he and the team stayed with us for like two years while they were war criminals. And Nathan is too young for anything really.”

“A lot to live up to.” She nods. “Cooper can’t be totally useless.”

“He’s not totally useless, he’s on the baseball team and plays Saxophone in the band, but that’s pretty much it.”

“Not too bad.”

“I guess.”

“Alright, nice talking with you.” He gets up and moves to sit with Kate.

Lila takes her phone out again, mindlessly clicking around, waiting to get to California, which will take another two hours. The usual flight is 6 hours around, but, Wakanda jet. Lila decided a nap would be in order. She just spent 11 hours in a car that was blasting screamo and trying to beat an Audi at speed. So she did. She reclined her chair back all the way and passed out.  
__

The jet had finally landed in a private airport Shuri used for this exact situation. And when her brother came down for work. They had rental cars on hand and Shuri had claimed a 2017 Ford Expedition because all her friends needed all that space. Peter woke up Lila while Harley lowered the ramp. Kate grabbed a few bags and started running to the car. It was always parked in the same spot.

“Hey! I’m driving!” Shuri yelled after her.

“Try me bitch!” Kate screamed back, disappearing around the corner.

“Haha, jokes on her. I have the keys.” Shuri pulled a pair of keys from her pocket and swung them around her fingers. Peter just rolled his eyes and gathered the last of the suitcases in his arms. (ya know, spider powers) The two walked down the ramp with Harley following close behind. Cooper and Lila hung back a bit. They all made their way to the car. Shuri shoving Kate out of the front seat and hopping in. Peter was in the passenger seat. Kate and Harley sat in the middle and Cooper and Lila in the very back.   
__

“Remind me of the turn?” Shuri asked Peter. The drive was only 30 minutes but Peter usually drove the way to Cassie’s since Shuri was pretty much flying the jet. It can go on autopilot but she doesn't trust her own tech sometimes.

“It’s a left in 20 feet.” Peter replied, not looking up. Shuri turned left onto AirField Road. The Lang’s street.

Shuri pulled into the driveway of the two-story blue-paneled house. Harley Jumped out with Kate. Shuri turned off the engine and Peter grabbed the bags from the back. Cooper and Lila got out of the car and followed the others up to the door. Harley knocked politely and after a few moments of waiting it swung open, revealing Cassandra Lang on the other side. She pushed the screen door open and flung herself towards Harley, smothering him in a hug.

“Harley? I didn’t, what?” She asked.

“We decided to come down for the week. If that’s ok?”

“Yeah! Of course. Come in, come in! You all know your regular spots. Dad and Hope are gonna be gone for another hour, maybe? They’re with Hank.” She said, giving Kate, Peter and Shuri a hug on the way in. Cooper and Lila got to the door.

“Hi, Cassie?” Lila said. Cassie nodded.

“My name is Lila Barton, I was roped into this by Peter and Kate, so, nice to meet you!” She held out her hand. Cassie took it.

“I’ve heard about you, nice to meet you too!”

“I’m Cooper, her brother. Also roped into this, I’m just gonna say sorry now. Nice to meet you.”

Cassie shook his hand too, greeting him. The siblings followed the others up the stairs and Kate pulled Lila into a room on the left while Cooper was pulled into the room across from it. 

“It’ll be nice actually rooming with someone this time.” Kate said to Lila.

“Huh?”

“The boys always get their own room and Cass obviously has her own at the end of the hall.” Kate explained, throwing her bag on one of the twin beds. “I usually get this to myself.”

“What about Shuri?”

“She and Peter are like platonic soulmates. So they’re always together. And they rarely sleep. Do you know about Spider-Man?”

Lila nodded.

“Oh, thank goodness. He’s always up late cause of that and he and Shuri like to stargaze on the roof. So they’re barely in their rooms. Multiple times have we heard thumps coming from outside at like 9 A.M, because Shuri fell off the roof. Parker has the sticky thing, so he’s fine but we still worry. Anyways, I’m going to take a nap. You do whatever. You can probably get a tour of the town from Cassie if you want.”

Lila nodded, holding back a laugh. She threw her bag on the other bed and ran out the door and downstairs. When she didn’t find Peter and Shuri she ran back up the stairs and into the boys room.

“Harley! Where’s Shuri? And Peter. But preferably Shuri.”  
“They’re probably in the lab. It’s in the basement.” Lila nodded and rushed back downstairs and into the basement, where Peter and Shuri stood in front of one of the tables. Shuri held up a vial of red liquid and Peter was looking through blueprints.

“Shuri!” She screamed. The woman in question startled and clutched the vial closer to her chest. She let out a sigh of relief when she saw who it was.

“Yes?”

“When did you fall off the roof?” Lila asked. Shuri paled and Peter burst out laughing.

“Just for that. I’m taking this home.” She said to no one in particular, but Peter looked visibly distraught at this.

 _“Shuriiiii!_ You can’t take Dr. Pym’s time travel shit! That’s for him and Scott and Hope.”

“I can so take Dr. Pym’s time travel shit. I need it. For science!” She said, then tucked the vial into one of her pockets.

“So no answer?”

“Nothing you need to worry about.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thus concludes the first chapter of idiot squad extravaganza.
> 
> I've mostly been writing this on a whim with ideas that pop up. If you have anything for the second chapter I could really use it. I'm an unpaid fic writer who is a student and I need help.
> 
> Love y'all
> 
> -Parker


End file.
